Just testing to see if GIFs work here.

Transformers 3 movie poster featuring Optimus, Shia LaBeouf and Pillow Lips

When I started writing film reviews for The Nerd Report, I knew I’d have to make a decision; Do I pay premium movie ticket prices to see what’s so obviously complete garbage – all in the name of keeping the people up-to-date on the latest movie releases? Or do I forego the movie altogether in a “Fuck you!” statement to shitty movie-makers everywhere?

When I saw the first trailer for Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon I could feel the dread building up. Here was a movie that was directed by a guy I hate, starring an actor I can’t stand, about giant robots fighting each other. In my mind, there was no way this movie was going to be good – and surprisingly enough it was worse than I thought it would be! So for you, my reading audience, I chose the former and donated money to what I knew would be a terrible movie. God have mercy on my soul.

(Spoilers activated.)

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Because He-Man was before my time I never got into the series. Thanks to 7Chan, that’s starting to change.

Click the image to see He-Man and his supporting cast sing to the ’90s hit ‘What’s Going On?’ by 4 Non-Blonds. It really is something special everyone should watch at least once.

Super 8, written and directed by JJ Abrams and produced by Steven Spielberg

If Super 8 felt a little familiar to you, that’s probably because it was. Written and directed by Lost‘s JJ Abrams, Super 8 is an obvious homage to those handful of films from the late ’70s-’80s that coined the term ‘summer blockbuster.’

After the jump, find out what worked and what didn’t in this sci-fi megahit.

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Green Lantern movie poster

Seven months ago I couldn’t contain my excitement when the first Green Lantern trailer was released. In two-and-a-half-minutes, the trailer gave audiences everywhere a taste of what to expect: there was your basic superhero origin story, casting was spot-on, and the visuals looked fantastic. I was literally antsy to see some of my favorite Green Lantern Corps characters brought to life on the big screen.

Starring a slew of talented (and somewhat lesser-known actors), and directed by Martin Campbell – credited for the rebirth of the James Bond franchise, I think a lot of people were hoping for the same magic that made Iron Man such a success. Both films featured a lead character that’s generally known for being a dick, both had casts that made fans go, “Wha-!?!” and both had iffy odds of being “blockbuster material.”  Unfortunately, with a meandering plotline that took the audience through some confusing and sometimes boring scenes, all I can say is that Green Lantern is just okay.

(Spoilers below.)

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At the end of April, Assorted Intricacies released a parody song of Like a G6 by Far East Movement. Titled Roll a D6, the song tells the story of a group of friends and the crazy shenanigans they encounter whilst playing Dungeons and Dragons. For anyone who’s never played the RPG, a D6 is your typical 6-sided die that is used frequently throughout D&D.

With lyrics like

In the basement rolling dice, I’m a wizard
When we play we think we fight giant lizards
Getting treasure piled high (piled high), Like the Rogue, Nyx
Steal a wallet from that guy? Roll a D6!

and

It’s that dungeon crawlin’ beast make you put your shields up
Make you put yo’ shields up, put yo’, put yo’ shields up! 

I would say this song’s on par with Weird Al Yankovic‘s White and Nerdy, and hopefully will encourage other similar takes on traditionally bad pop music.


X-Men: First Class, featuring Magneto, Emma Frost, Angel, Mystique, Professor X, Banshee, Moira MacTaggert, Beast, Havok, and Nightcrawler's dad.

X-Men: First Class, featuring Magneto, Emma Frost, Angel, Mystique, Professor X, Banshee, Moira MacTaggert, Beast, Havok, and Nightcrawler's dad.

Today marks the worldwide release of X-Men: First Class. Helmed by director Matthew Vaughn (last known for his work on Kickass) and former X3 scribe, Simon Kinberg, the movie takes a stab at breathing new life into the franchise that launched a thousand comic book films. With a promising storyline and a solid cast featuring James McAvoy as Charles Xavier and Michael Fassbender as Erik Lensherr, I had hoped this would be the X-Men film I was waiting for.

I was dead wrong. (Psst! Spoilers on!)

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